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The Rockstar Ramblings: The Strip Club Factor

Photo of Guns N Roses

Band Photo: Guns N Roses (?)

Jani Lane (Warrant) has had a rough couple of weeks. First, he is pulled over and charged with a DUI. Next, the band Warrant puts out a press release notifying the world that Jani is no longer part of their band. Finally, it comes to light that Lane owes over 100K in federal taxes. Stay strong Jani Lane, you still have your ballads. They can’t take your ballads. Keep repeating that to yourself. It’s going to be okay…

Gene Simmons (KISS) confirmed that KISS and Wal-Mart are close to finalizing a deal to carry their new CD exclusively. This is not unheard of, but for Gene the entrepreneur you have to think he is thinking bigger. I picture a KISS aisle, between the Doritos/chips isle and boys shorts….

This past week Nikki Sixx (Motley Crue) introduced his clothing line Royal Underground in the U.K. The clothing line is categorized somewhere between rock star ready to wear and heroin chic…Also in England, Ozzy Osbourne’s memoir “I Am Ozzy” is scheduled for release in October. Given Osbourne’s admitted lapse in memory expect most of the stories to begin with the phrase “I’ve been told”…

Following up on my last column, this week I look at lead singers and what I call the “Strip Club Party Factor”. Essentially, if this person walked into a gentlemen’s club, what would happen? There are rules: I. Have to be a lead singer, II. Relevant in the eighties, III. Alive today (the idea is they walk into the club today), IV. Not Rob Halford, (nothing personal, just not going there).

The purpose of this exercise (other than have fun) is to determine who has the most juice in pop culture today.

5. Axl Rose (Guns N Roses) – Given his recent tendency to be reclusive it would naturally create a stir to see Rose walk into a strip club. That being said I’m sure he would be quickly taken into the VIP room, taking the top talent with him.

4. Bret Michaels (Poison) – Ever been to a club and one of your friends has dated one of the dancers? A little uncomfortable, right? Well, what if you were in a club with a guy that put all of the girls on a reality show and had sex with all of them?

3. Sammy Hagar (Van Halen) – Two words: Tequila Shots.

2. Sebastian Bach (Skid Row) – Seems like a guy that would have a lot of fun in this element: girls, alcohol, girls. Even when on the wagon Bach seems like a “light beer and weed” type of guy. The ultimate party guy, except for maybe…

1. David Lee Roth (Van Halen) – Always leading the party parade, Roth brings the presence, energy, and sense of humor for the ultimate strip club party atmosphere. Imagine a night of Diamond Dave pointing up to the girls, cracking jokes, and throwing hundreds around like it was the eighties again. Sounds wonderful to me.

David S. Grant is the author of books Corporate Porn, Bleach|Blackout, Hollywood Ending, Emotionless Souls, and The Last Breakfast. His new novel, Blood-the New Red, will be available this fall. For more information please go to http://www.davidsgrant.com.

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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16 Comments on "The Rockstar Ramblings: The Strip Club Factor"

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Blindgreed1's avatar

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1. Blindgreed1 writes:

6). Steven Pearcy (Ratt) - Given his affinity for street drugs, i'm betting Steven would be in the bathroom snorting coke off the back of the toilet all night.

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 11:28 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
That_One_Guy's avatar

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2. That_One_Guy writes:

Lol, don't forget Steven Adler.. or Slash.. or anyone from Motley Crue. Lol.

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 11:50 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
BrunoHockalugie's avatar

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3. BrunoHockalugie writes:

Don't forget Boy George! Nothing like a night of drinking and hostage negotiations!

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 11:50 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
BrunoHockalugie's avatar

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4. BrunoHockalugie writes:

TOG- It has to be a lead singer!
Steve Perry!

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 11:52 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
That_One_Guy's avatar

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5. That_One_Guy writes:

Bruno -- My bad, I guess I forgot that part. Vince Neil still applies, though.

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 12:05 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Rychemn's avatar

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6. Rychemn writes:

Now Joe Elliot would have the strip club under the stage............during the concert!!!!!..........AAAWWWW....nothing like a quickie in between guitar solo's...hee, hee!!!

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 1:25 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Fuck_A_Name's avatar

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7. Fuck_A_Name writes:

Dont forget James Hetfield. He'd keep the party goin for hours, cheerin all the girls on the whole time

"Oh yeah! Yeah! Yeah-yeah! Yeah! OH YEAH! O-right! YEAH!"

He brought Lars, but he's in the bathroom with Motley Crue.

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 3:36 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

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8. Blindgreed1 writes:

FAN: Take it all offfaaahhh! Come dance in my lapaaahhh! I'm getting a boneaaaahhh! Alllrightaaaahhh!

Dave Mustaine: He could sit in the VIP room, drink coffee and pray for everyone's forgiveness.

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 5:28 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Rychemn's avatar

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9. Rychemn writes:

How about Joe Elliot, he'd have the whole strip club under the stage.......during the concert......nothing like a quickie in between guitar solo's, hee hee!!!!

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 6:15 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

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10. Blindgreed1 writes:

Rychemn: Actually I was thinking that Joe could go around the club turning everyone's cup upside down like he did to the Stanley Cup last year.

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 6:19 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Rychemn's avatar

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11. Rychemn writes:

That Joe could F##k up a wet dream....Hee, hee.....

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 7:45 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
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12. Bruno Hockalugie writes:

BlindGreed- LOL at the reference to Def Leopard's performance at the Detroit Red Wings game

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 7:51 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Blindgreed1's avatar

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13. Blindgreed1 writes:

Bruno: I couldn't let that slide could I?

# Jun 26, 2009 @ 8:10 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
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14. ozzyfied writes:

Your comment on Ozzy and his memoir was just plain rude!!!

# Jul 2, 2009 @ 9:41 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
GORECUNT's avatar

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15. GORECUNT writes:

Another awesome article.

Dee Snider (Twisted Sister) - I just have a feeling that if he ever chilled at a strip club he'd manage to even get the bouncers to crack a smile.

# Jul 3, 2009 @ 9:55 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
That_One_Guy's avatar

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16. That_One_Guy writes:

ozzyfied -- Sharon, is that you?

# Jul 3, 2009 @ 1:12 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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