A Band Of Orcs Plans The Domination Of The World
Band Photo: A Band of Orcs (?)
The rampaging orcs of the Gore-Stained Axe Tribe made their way into our world to pillage and destroy, but decided to start making brutal music instead when they heard the sounds of Slayer. Their first album "WarChiefs of the Apocalypse" was unleashed onto the human world in the summer of 2007 under the name A Band Of Orcs. I managed to get an interview out of the orcs, in between their attempts to eat me and add my skull to their pile.
xFiruath: How did the orcs come together to be in a band?
Gogog: I, Gogog, are chief of the Gore-Stained Axe Tribe, Master and Overlord of these oRcs and many others. Gronk! is our shaman, Hulg ElfR.I.P.per, Oog Skullbasher and Cretos Filthgrinder is our most powerful warriors.
Hulg: Cretos not a true Gore-Stained Axe.
Gogog: He is now, because I say he is. You have problem Hulg?
Gronk!: We were summoned to your world to maim and kill but found music even more brutal than the Orcapellas we would sing by the campfires at home. The Gods have spoken and we learned this music to bring glory to the oRcs, battle to all and death to all who oppose.
xFiruath: How long have you been playing music?
Gogog: I, Gogog, have sung for many years. The chants of the Gore-Stained Axe Tribe are great and many and numerous. It was not until we were summoned to this mortal land-
Gronk!: Less than 2 years ago.
Gogog: -that we discovered your electric instruments.
Hulg: Filthgrinder want learn to play guitar after watch Hulg do it.
Cretos: What the Hells? Lying zombie shiteater! Don't make me kill you again.
Hulg: You want try? I have become more powerful than you can-
Gogog: Shut up both of you before I kill you both.
Gronk!: Like all the oRcs I was first enchanted by the sweet battle tones of Slayer, but it was upon hearing the throbbing pulse of Steve Harris that Gronk! knew the bass was for him.
Oog: Oog smash.
Gronk!: Oog was one of the best beaters of the tribal drums.
Oog: Oog smash.
Hulg: Hulg play crunchy gitarz.
xFiruath: How would you describe the sound of your music to a lowly mortal human who foolishly hasn’t heard it yet?
Cretos: It is like when you meet your foe on the field of battle and he is not a weakling elf who hides behind tricks and words but fights toe to toe like real oRc and after many blows exchanged your arms feel the burn of long combat but still you swing and take off his head and then you take his purse and find it is filled with many gold coins before returning to the oRc women to get your soft reward.
Hulg: The crunchy gitarz are like the soundz that save you from yourself in the cold place after you leave the world of the living.
Gronk!: oRc music bashes you over the head like a giant's fist and prepares your soul for the battles that you must face every day.
Gogog: If you have never experienced the heat of dragon fire then listening to our album is a close second. Only by embracing it and our cause do you have any chance of escaping the doom impending on your world.
xFiruath: Where did you record “War Chiefs of the Apocalypse” and did you have a human producer or was it an all orc production?
Gronk!: Manager, the tricksy Gruesom Grimp, hired Scott Lee Sargeant, a human has played in and produced many bands such as Skin Lab, Laaz Rocket, and M.O.D. to produce the EP, since this most metal human knows how to do that kind of ritual. We oRcs do not understand human ways, the tech…tech…nogoly and such arcane forces that gather in recording studios. The human Scott Sargeant arranged for us to record at Trident Studios with engineer legend Juan Urteaga. These two most metal of humans were able to keep our oRc rages in check and get our furious sound down for rattling your puny human ears.
Gogog: Yes, they show no fear of the Domination, therefore we spare them when Domination comes.
xFiruath: Tell me about the music video you guys shot awhile back for “Into the Maelstrom.” How did that go and what did you think of the end result?
Hulg: Too much walking.
Gronk!: Ha! The only one who never tires when walking...the zombie--
Oog: Oog smash.
Gogog: The battles are just like the ones I led on Hirntodia, but a pale shadow of those to come in your puny human realm. Jess Bryden, the human director, is a credit to your puny race. He will be spared when the Domination comes.
Hulg: Hulg's armor stolen before shoot.
Cretos: Shut yer' bitching, Hulg.
Hulg: Did you take Hulg armor?
Cretos: What? Hells no. The only armor youse had was da pieces I gave youse. Be glad you got even those.
Gronk!: Shut up the both of you or I will send you back to the tower with no brains, or elf slaves. This video was truly a strange experience for an oRc. It was the first time that someone aimed those camera weapons at us that we did not kill them for it. It is good that we did not for we now watch the moving pictures that are testament to our great battle prowess. The lights were hot like lava, though and we had no sleep.
Gogog: It was very hard to not kill any of the humans who were there that day. We almost succeeded.
Hulg: Elf Slaves... are... good.
Gronk!: We have learned that there is what you humans call a “director’s cut” that Jess Bryden has work on in secret. For he did not favor the version we force him release by sorcerous rituals. He likes new version better, but not finished….maybe never finished because he not satisfied.
xFiruath: As a band of rampaging orc barbarians you obviously have to have some interesting live show stories! Is there any particular live show you’ve done that stands out because of something absurd that happened or it just overall went really well? Specifically I’d like to know how the show with 3 Inches of Blood went. That sounded like a killer lineup and I’m sorry I missed that show!
Gogog: Yes, many of you tiny humans sorry you missed that show. It was glorious and sold-out by the time we unleashed our sonic vengeance upon you.
Gronk!: Gzoroth favored Gore-stained axe tribe that day. 3 Inches of Blood did not play “Destroy the Orcs.”
Oog: Oog smash.
Hulg: Crunchy gitarz…sound good…like chaos of the void.
Cretos: Many were children and slaves who bowed down to us and the battle room was fulled to brim.
Gronk!: Yes, many were the metal thirsty humans turned away at door. Sold out by the time we took the field.
Gogog: We made temporary alliance with 3 Inches of Blood and spared them. They played brutally for being a warrior down.
xFiruath: Your debut album is out and you’ve got a music video, so what’s on the horizon for A Band of Orcs?
Hulg: Eating…your braaaiiiinnnnssss….
Gogog: No!!!! Hulg, you will not eat his brains, or I, Gogog, will--
Gronk!: We continue laying plans for the Domination and the awakening of the mighty Gzoroth, Dragon of Chaos and Fire. Hulg! Back or I’ll blast you back to oRc ToweR with no brains for a full moon cycle.
Cretos: We add many more heads to the pile and--
Gogog: We will continue to raid and pillage your puny human villages and beyond, bringing death, destruction and devastation with any band that wishes to ally with us on such brutal adventures. We’re crafting war chants and tales of Gore-Stained Axe glory for next cycle of stories.
xFiruath: Even orcs have to have some down time. What bands are you listening to when you aren’t destroying the weak or torturing the innocent?
Gronk!: How much room do you have in your skull. Many are the bands we listen to.
Gogog: Bathory. Amon Amarth! Their sounds bring fire and madness to my dark soul.
Oog: Gojira smash!!!!
Gronk!: Hahahaha, yes, Oog likes the bashing of Gojira, as do myself, but their chants confuse my oRc brain. I think they serve gods of light, but sound brutal. Very confusing. I perform rituals to the sounds of the venerable metal ancestors: Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, Heaven and Hell, Dio, Slayer.
Cretos: Machine Head – they play pointy guitars! Slipknot, Satyricon--
Oog: Daath smash!!!!
Oog: Cannibal Corpse smash!!!
Gronk!: Yesssss, Corpsegrinder sent us message by web-daemon, said he would wear our shirts on tour. If any human uses camera thingy to get this, we would proudly display such picture on our aether pages.
xFiruath: That’s all my questions, so do you want to discuss anything else?
Gogog: No. I hungry now.
Hulg: Tasty, tasty br—
Gronk!: Enough, Hulg! Human, methinks it time for us to leave, for your own survival.
Cretos: Yeah, before I add yer head to the pile.
Oog: *glares *
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