Rock of Love Tour Bus Episode 11 Recap: Taya Finds Out It’s A Contest.
Band Photo: Poison (?)
Mindy, Taya, and Jamie, the most boring girls from this season, just happen to be the last three. This group is so dull that heading to Miami (the next stop) doesn’t even sound fun, and Miami is always fun.
When they arrive Bret has prepared outfits for the girls to wear. A lot of feathers and snaps, light on coverage; Taya, the stripper in denial, helps the girls get into their outfits. That night Michaels plans another classic date: sit in hot outfits while I play my guitar. Does the man ever stop giving? That night Taya is appalled to hear that Jamie tried to throw her under a bus when Bret asked who should go home next. “You’re just trying to win!” She wails. Ding, ding, ding…the stripper has finally arrived to the party.
The next morning Big John wakes the girls, “If I’m up, you’re up,” he says. At this point of the show Big John doesn’t even attempt to hide his disgust. Again the girls start talking about Taya and her dancing and she replies, “I’m not a stripper, I’m a feature dancer.” Pretty sure that “feature” means they announce your name before and after you are on the stage.
That night Bret is excited because he has planned a special dinner. You can tell he’s excited because he uses three “awesomes” to describe the upcoming dinner. When the girls arrive they are so boring they cut into a montage of Ashley scenes where she calls the girls lame. Eventually Bret has to take them to the bar and try to get them drunk. When this doesn’t work as expected Bret decides to “hang out” with Jamie, this usually means sex, but instead she uses this time to tell him she doesn’t want to marry him and isn’t looking for anything serious. Do we even need to have the elimination ceremony?
Predictably, Jamie is sent home, leaving Mindy and Taya, two girls who are at each others throats left. Even if they set up steel cage fight to the death for the finale next week I’m sure it will be a bore.
Cue the Ashley montage footage.
David S. Grant is the author of Corporate Porn, a novel published through Silverthought Press. His rock and drug fueled double novel Bleach|Blackout, novel The Last Breakfast, and short story collection Emotionless Souls are now available. For more information on David’s writing go to www.davidsgrant.com.
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