Rock of Love Tour Bus Episode 7 Recap: The Episode Where Kelsey Passes Out On A Speed Bump For Over An Hour
Band Photo: Poison (?)
As the bus travels to Alabama, Taya lets all know she has just won Penthouse Pet of The Year. Big Beverly is sitting next to her, stunned that Bret would be interested in any girl who takes off her clothes.
Bret has planned an event named “Truck Stop Games” for the girls. The games start with the beer pool belly flop. The goal of this “sport” is to jump off a hay bail and land into a tub of beer, making the largest splash. Ashley is noticeably disappointed when she realizes that drinking the pool of beer is not the goal. Predictably, Big Beverly creates the largest splash. John Candy in his prime would not have been able to beat Big Beverly. Kelsey takes her bra off and jumps in the pool, winning the judges approval and the first round. Big Beverly is appalled and says she would have “broke out the big guns” if this would have guaranteed victory. No confirmation on whether she was referring to her boobs or Dennis Rodman sized arms. The next round centers on a stripper pole. We learn that Taya, the Penthouse Pet, used to be a stripper. For some reason this shocks some of the other strippers, demanding that she comes “out” and admits she used to be a stripper. We know, we know, you are all strippers, except for Big Beverly of course. The last round has something to do with a hot dog. Farrah shows her boobs and wins the third judge’s vote. It’s important to note that the third judge may have been ex-WWF wrestler Hillbilly Jim. We may never know the answer to this.
The team that would have won the event (if not rigged by Farrah’s boobs) gets to go into the bus with Bret for some alone time. Here’s the quick recap: Kami, Ashley, and Big Beverly begin drinking margaritas. All four go into Bret’s bedroom. Ashley drops her pants. Kami decides to leave the show and goes home. My theory is Kami is more into threesomes, and just isn’t a foursome kind of girl.
Bret takes the actual winners (Kelsey, Big Beverly, Farrah, and Farrah’s boobs) to an amusement park. Here we see Bret frantically holds his hat and hair extensions as they go down a roller coaster and Farrah ranting on how she is better than Taya. “I don’t even show my ass when I’m stripping!” She confirms.
That night Michaels has a show in Birmingham. The girls are warned by Big John to be on their best behavior. Immediately the girls begin doing shots. In the VIP area (next to the stage), Kelsey and Farrah are pouring vodka down their throats and dry humping each other. Big John throws them out of the show, onto the bus. Kelsey is obliterated and leaves, eventually passing out on a speed bump for an hour. After the show (back on the bus) we watch a drunken Ashley try to make a frozen dinner. Potential spinoff? I hope VH1 was watching closely. How about a show titled “Late Night Cooking with Ashley”?
Elimination is the same night. Most of the girls can’t even walk to the stage, forced to crawl and hold each other up. Ashley tells the camera, “I can’t even spell elimination. I have no idea where I am.” Ashley is sparred as Bret sends Kelsey home. Ashley adds, “I just didn’t want to get up there and puke on Bret.”
If my numbers are correct, this leaves us with six strippers and one Big Beverly left.
David S. Grant is the author of Corporate Porn, a novel published through Silverthought Press. His rock and drug fueled double novel Bleach|Blackout, novel The Last Breakfast, and short story collection Emotionless Souls are now available. For more information on David’s writing go to http://www.davidsgrant.com.
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