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Rock of Love Tour Bus Episode 7 Recap: The Episode Where Kelsey Passes Out On A Speed Bump For Over An Hour

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Band Photo: Poison (?)

As the bus travels to Alabama, Taya lets all know she has just won Penthouse Pet of The Year. Big Beverly is sitting next to her, stunned that Bret would be interested in any girl who takes off her clothes.

Bret has planned an event named “Truck Stop Games” for the girls. The games start with the beer pool belly flop. The goal of this “sport” is to jump off a hay bail and land into a tub of beer, making the largest splash. Ashley is noticeably disappointed when she realizes that drinking the pool of beer is not the goal. Predictably, Big Beverly creates the largest splash. John Candy in his prime would not have been able to beat Big Beverly. Kelsey takes her bra off and jumps in the pool, winning the judges approval and the first round. Big Beverly is appalled and says she would have “broke out the big guns” if this would have guaranteed victory. No confirmation on whether she was referring to her boobs or Dennis Rodman sized arms. The next round centers on a stripper pole. We learn that Taya, the Penthouse Pet, used to be a stripper. For some reason this shocks some of the other strippers, demanding that she comes “out” and admits she used to be a stripper. We know, we know, you are all strippers, except for Big Beverly of course. The last round has something to do with a hot dog. Farrah shows her boobs and wins the third judge’s vote. It’s important to note that the third judge may have been ex-WWF wrestler Hillbilly Jim. We may never know the answer to this.

The team that would have won the event (if not rigged by Farrah’s boobs) gets to go into the bus with Bret for some alone time. Here’s the quick recap: Kami, Ashley, and Big Beverly begin drinking margaritas. All four go into Bret’s bedroom. Ashley drops her pants. Kami decides to leave the show and goes home. My theory is Kami is more into threesomes, and just isn’t a foursome kind of girl.

Bret takes the actual winners (Kelsey, Big Beverly, Farrah, and Farrah’s boobs) to an amusement park. Here we see Bret frantically holds his hat and hair extensions as they go down a roller coaster and Farrah ranting on how she is better than Taya. “I don’t even show my ass when I’m stripping!” She confirms.

That night Michaels has a show in Birmingham. The girls are warned by Big John to be on their best behavior. Immediately the girls begin doing shots. In the VIP area (next to the stage), Kelsey and Farrah are pouring vodka down their throats and dry humping each other. Big John throws them out of the show, onto the bus. Kelsey is obliterated and leaves, eventually passing out on a speed bump for an hour. After the show (back on the bus) we watch a drunken Ashley try to make a frozen dinner. Potential spinoff? I hope VH1 was watching closely. How about a show titled “Late Night Cooking with Ashley”?

Elimination is the same night. Most of the girls can’t even walk to the stage, forced to crawl and hold each other up. Ashley tells the camera, “I can’t even spell elimination. I have no idea where I am.” Ashley is sparred as Bret sends Kelsey home. Ashley adds, “I just didn’t want to get up there and puke on Bret.”

If my numbers are correct, this leaves us with six strippers and one Big Beverly left.

David S. Grant is the author of Corporate Porn, a novel published through Silverthought Press. His rock and drug fueled double novel Bleach|Blackout, novel The Last Breakfast, and short story collection Emotionless Souls are now available. For more information on David’s writing go to http://www.davidsgrant.com.

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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9 Comments on "Rock of Love Tour Bus Episode 7 Recap"

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MetalMartyr.com's avatar

Member

1. MetalMartyr.com writes:

"stunned that Bret would be interested in any girl who takes off her clothes."

That was were the endless Laughing began. I don't even bother watching this anymore. WEC 39 was on. I'm sure this would have been more entertaining than the Rob McCullough and Marcus Hicks match though.

# Mar 2, 2009 @ 10:15 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
ChassMasterPlus's avatar

Member

2. ChassMasterPlus writes:

b****es are f***ing NUTS

# Mar 2, 2009 @ 10:27 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Jenny's avatar

Member

3. Jenny writes:

Yeah, I'm guilty of watching this one last night. Those b!tches make me proud of being me :)

NP: "Aggresive Perfector" -Slayer

# Mar 2, 2009 @ 10:32 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
xman's avatar

Member

4. xman writes:

kelsey and farrah are wores .

# Mar 2, 2009 @ 11:45 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
5. Diane writes:

Im sure their Mother's are proud

# Mar 2, 2009 @ 2:12 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Thrashbanger's avatar

Member

6. Thrashbanger writes:

Hilarious, sad, and enraging all at the same time. I hear Glen Danzig is going to be the host of the next season. Satanic skank fest!

# Mar 2, 2009 @ 5:57 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Jenny's avatar

Member

7. Jenny writes:

^Lol yeah, it's gonna be called “Rock of Love: Bride of Satan with Glenn Danzig” Bet it's gonna be crazy.

# Mar 2, 2009 @ 9:22 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
8. kd writes:

"Big Beverly" Yeah, you're right. She's huge.

# Mar 2, 2009 @ 11:21 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
deathbringer's avatar

Founder, owner & programmer

9. deathbringer writes:

A great read, as usual - much more entertaining than the actual show. Watching paint dry might have been more entertining than Rob McCullough v. Marcus Hicks, however :-(

# Mar 3, 2009 @ 9:19 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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