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Rock of Love Tour Bus Episode 3 Recap: Brittaney Takes Crazy To The Next Level

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Band Photo: Poison (?)

Episode three begins at a hockey rink where the girls have the task of slapping a Bret Michaels doll with hockey sticks into goals dressed up as cribs. Right away Brittaney lets us know that had she not pursued a career in porn she may have been an Olympic ice skating hopeful. I guess technically, we are all Olympic hopefuls.

There is a cameo by Lacey, a used up cast member from the first season that no longer brings anything to the show. Using the word skanks over and over to describe the group of girls should not be her job; this is the job of countless bloggers and message board posters. This is my job.

During the contest Melissa (crazy eyes) falls on her chest and believes she has popped one of her implants. A medical professional approaches and asks her what type of implants she has, and she doesn’t know. Kelsey has shown an inability to count, and Brittaney believes she passed up a career of gold medals for adult movies. Both are smarter than Melissa. These are the remaining girls of Rock of Love 3.

After the match Bret takes the winning team to a strip club called Big Al’s in Champagne, IL. Maria (who lets us know she is a model for the twenty-ninth time) is working the pole, Brittaney quickly reverts to porn mode on Bret’s lap, and Beverly just stands on the side watching. Beverly is just not in same league nor does she have any interest. By the way, how many pairs of camouflage pants does she own?

That night Melissa calls her boyfriend and is called out by the other girls. When Bret confronts her he refers to her actions as a bi-polar rollercoaster. You can sense the days are numbered for crazy eyes; however, all is forgotten when it’s brought to the attention of all that Brittaney stole all of the girls sweaty used socks. Michaels calls this one correctly, noting there is rock and roll crazy and then there is crazy crazy. The only explanation that could save her is if she is using the socks to make Bret a kick ass sock bandana.

Let’s recap: An Olympic hopeful turns to the adult movie industry then steals socks? My fingers are crossed for a VH1 Brittaney Behind the (porn) Music.

Elimination is predictable. Bret is visibly upset when he throws Melissa off the show for calling out his extensions and having a boyfriend. Marcia is allowed to stay because Bret wants to see if there is more to her than being Brazilian and drunk. There isn’t. Brittaney is eliminated; her tour is ending after only three episodes. Let’s hope this isn’t the last we’ve heard from her.

Down to ten girls, next week I have 2 to 1 odds on Beverly wearing her camouflage pants.

David S. Grant is the author of Corporate Porn, a novel published through Silverthought Press. His rock and drug fueled double novel Bleach|Blackout, novel The Last Breakfast, and short story collection Emotionless Souls are now available. For more information on David’s writing go to http://www.davidsgrant.com.

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David S. Grant (aka Rockstar_Scribbler) is the author of several books including Rock Stars, Happy Hour, and Corporate Porn. For more information please go to www.rockstarbooks.net or www.davidsgrant.com. You can also follow David on Twitter @david_S_grant.

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19 Comments on "Rock of Love Tour Bus Episode 3 Recap"

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MetalMartyr.com's avatar

Member

1. MetalMartyr.com writes:

David, I love reading this. I normally do the season beginning and/or end at therockdose. com or Metalmartyr. com, but I have to say...you do it better.

# Jan 20, 2009 @ 10:06 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Jenny's avatar

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2. Jenny writes:

Haha I was this one. One of the b!tches popped her implant and the stupid porn star got eliminated!

# Jan 20, 2009 @ 1:54 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Jenny's avatar

Member

3. Jenny writes:

*saw*

# Jan 20, 2009 @ 2:28 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
bbristowe's avatar

Member

4. bbristowe writes:

LOL popped her tit. Next time invest in a personality!!!! LOLOLOL

Aghora - Formless

# Jan 20, 2009 @ 2:49 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
godlike's avatar

Member

5. godlike writes:

This is a complete waste of TV... what happened to the music channels showing music... like they did back in the old days..??

Hey Jenny... Dont see you posting in the chatthreads anymore..? Whats up..??

# Jan 20, 2009 @ 4:56 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Dark_Funeral's avatar

Member

6. Dark_Funeral writes:

honestly dude i'd rather read your recaps then watch that show, they're 100x funnier without the commercial breaks every 5 seconds. keep it up.

# Jan 20, 2009 @ 10:22 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
metalheaddrummer101's avatar

Member

7. metalheaddrummer101 writes:

Godlike-she wants to actually read the news, once in a while.

# Jan 21, 2009 @ 12:06 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Jenny's avatar

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8. Jenny writes:

MHD101: Can't say I can't do both! :)

GODLIKE: \m/ HAPPY BIRTHDAY \m/

# Jan 21, 2009 @ 8:58 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
godlike's avatar

Member

9. godlike writes:

Hey, Thanks Jenny ...!!

# Jan 21, 2009 @ 10:28 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
MetalMartyr.com's avatar

Member

10. MetalMartyr.com writes:

It just makes you wonder who comes up with these ideas: "Let's take the sluttiest, b****iest bunch of alcoholic whores, stuff them in a sardine can and have them fight over who's more fit to get in the pants of a 45 year old, balding, washed up glam rocker." VH1 Classic is the only Channel that shows some music related shows and even those can be half rate crap. "The Metal Show"? Modernize this show already and actually show some metal videos or bands playing or something...and again, MODERNIZE! Metal Mania needs to be called Hair Metal Mania.

# Jan 24, 2009 @ 9:21 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Jenny's avatar

Member

11. Jenny writes:

" "The Metal Show"? Modernize this show already and actually show some metal videos or bands playing or something...and again, MODERNIZE! Metal Mania needs to be called Hair Metal Mania. "

Couldn't agree more!

NP: "Disciple Of The Night Under A Starless Sky" _Elexorien

# Jan 24, 2009 @ 3:56 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Netromancer's avatar

Member

12. Netromancer writes:

I catch "The Metal Show" when I can. The guys are more my age and it seems grew up listening to alot of the music I did. Eddie Trunk is a guy who is passionate and intelligent about metal music.

BUT...

the metal scene has moved on since the days of Twisted Sister and Lita Ford. I have tremendous respect for the artists that guest-star on the show. Mike Portnoy, Dee and Jay Jay, Lita Ford. Hell, Dee Snider is and has always been a personal hero of mine, but there is alot of great music being made NOW. They need to open up the format to talk about more current music.

(Dee wrote a book called "Dee Snider's Teenage Survival Guide" back in '87. The book was an unabashed, unapologetic, look at the questions we have while growing up. More importantly the book answered the questions in a candid, honest, self-experiencing manner. He talked about his drug use, and the effects you could expect. He wrote about sexual issues we have as kids and he also wrote alot about standing up for yourself, being confident, and basically just that it's ok to be yourself no matter what anyone says. Great book by a great guy. Just thought I needed to explain the Dee Snider thing:)

# Jan 24, 2009 @ 4:09 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
SHREDDER13's avatar

Member

13. SHREDDER13 writes:

When is "Rob Of Love" going to air?...

I can't wait to see Rob Halford choose between 20 men...lol

# Jan 24, 2009 @ 4:38 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Fuck_A_Name's avatar

Member

14. Fuck_A_Name writes:

^greatest.

Show.

Idea.

EVER.

Except: they should call it "Rob of Love: You Got Another Thing Comin'"

# Jan 24, 2009 @ 8:46 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Fuck_A_Name's avatar

Member

15. Fuck_A_Name writes:

And Dee Snider is the sh**. every time he speaks about metal I feel like i just got put in my place. The man always has a good point about everything

"You either had guys dressing up as girls(hair metal) or guys wearin tight leather and showin off their bulges to a predominantly male audience(Saxon/Iron maiden etc.) Either way you look at it, metla in the 80's was really gay" -Dee snider

# Jan 24, 2009 @ 8:50 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
InfernoNecrosis's avatar

Writer / Reviewer

16. InfernoNecrosis writes:

FAN... that quote is awesome.

# Jan 24, 2009 @ 9:09 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
17. jackass writes:

show is the funniest most stupid stuff ever. like a train wreck ya just gotta look

# Feb 8, 2009 @ 8:55 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
18. freddy lounds writes:

Had no intrest tell i saw all the hot girls on this show so i check it out when im bored.......headbangers ball should retool there show more like the old....have a host that knows what metals all about, do an interview with a band and play videos..step it up a notch

# Feb 8, 2009 @ 9:19 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Fuck_A_Name's avatar

Member

19. Fuck_A_Name writes:

^what are you talking about, Jamey Jasta is God when it comes to metal! He knows all, he's the best host ever!!!!!!

...lol I'm sorry

Now Playing: Psycroptic- Horde I n Devolution

# Feb 8, 2009 @ 9:33 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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