Rock of Love Tour Bus Episode 3 Recap: Brittaney Takes Crazy To The Next Level
Band Photo: Poison (?)
Episode three begins at a hockey rink where the girls have the task of slapping a Bret Michaels doll with hockey sticks into goals dressed up as cribs. Right away Brittaney lets us know that had she not pursued a career in porn she may have been an Olympic ice skating hopeful. I guess technically, we are all Olympic hopefuls.
There is a cameo by Lacey, a used up cast member from the first season that no longer brings anything to the show. Using the word skanks over and over to describe the group of girls should not be her job; this is the job of countless bloggers and message board posters. This is my job.
During the contest Melissa (crazy eyes) falls on her chest and believes she has popped one of her implants. A medical professional approaches and asks her what type of implants she has, and she doesn’t know. Kelsey has shown an inability to count, and Brittaney believes she passed up a career of gold medals for adult movies. Both are smarter than Melissa. These are the remaining girls of Rock of Love 3.
After the match Bret takes the winning team to a strip club called Big Al’s in Champagne, IL. Maria (who lets us know she is a model for the twenty-ninth time) is working the pole, Brittaney quickly reverts to porn mode on Bret’s lap, and Beverly just stands on the side watching. Beverly is just not in same league nor does she have any interest. By the way, how many pairs of camouflage pants does she own?
That night Melissa calls her boyfriend and is called out by the other girls. When Bret confronts her he refers to her actions as a bi-polar rollercoaster. You can sense the days are numbered for crazy eyes; however, all is forgotten when it’s brought to the attention of all that Brittaney stole all of the girls sweaty used socks. Michaels calls this one correctly, noting there is rock and roll crazy and then there is crazy crazy. The only explanation that could save her is if she is using the socks to make Bret a kick ass sock bandana.
Let’s recap: An Olympic hopeful turns to the adult movie industry then steals socks? My fingers are crossed for a VH1 Brittaney Behind the (porn) Music.
Elimination is predictable. Bret is visibly upset when he throws Melissa off the show for calling out his extensions and having a boyfriend. Marcia is allowed to stay because Bret wants to see if there is more to her than being Brazilian and drunk. There isn’t. Brittaney is eliminated; her tour is ending after only three episodes. Let’s hope this isn’t the last we’ve heard from her.
Down to ten girls, next week I have 2 to 1 odds on Beverly wearing her camouflage pants.
David S. Grant is the author of Corporate Porn, a novel published through Silverthought Press. His rock and drug fueled double novel Bleach|Blackout, novel The Last Breakfast, and short story collection Emotionless Souls are now available. For more information on David’s writing go to http://www.davidsgrant.com.
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