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MetalUnderground.com User Buys Century Media Records, Suffers Horrible Accident Shortly Afterwards

Infamous MetalUnderground.com user (and self proclaimed richest man in the universe) Lord Cashington announced yesterday that he had purchased Century Media records and was planning to promote the bands he enjoyed more and fire those he didn't like as much.

"Pip pip ladies and gentlemen! Yes it's true, I, the good Lord Cashington have indeed purchased one Century Media records. I fully intend to help promote the careers of those delightful fellows Napalm Death. I shall award a million pounds to an animal charity for every album they release so I do hope that the world will be seeing alot more them.

"I do however plan to have a jolly good sort out of our roster. I no longer intend for Century Media to be associated with those wretched little trolls In This Moment! I shall announce more changes as I see fit.

"Well I shall bid you all adieu. I have a few more plans to come to fruition including my travelling festival CashScam and the merger of Century Media with Roadrunner. Tatty bye!"

Unfortunately however, that merger will not happen, a million pounds won't be donated to animal charities for every Napalm Death album and In This Moment will still have a record label because a few hours after this announcement, Lord Cashington suffered a heartbreaking accident.

It has been revealed that all the labels artists had to pay royalties in order for having a boss who would spend seemingly unlimited amounts of money promoting them. However Lord Cashington requested all these royalties in cash and whilst he was hoisting the bag of royalties into his "cash attic" where he stores much of his money, the weight of the bag made his back give way as he fell onto his mansions floors with all his money pouring down upon him, thus being crushed to death by his own money.

Due to this unfortuate circumstance, control of Century Media has returned to the former owners who have no plans to change anything prior to the purchase.

If you would like a share in Lord Cashington's fortune then click here

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10 Comments on "MetalUnderground.com User Buys Century Media"

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Terminator's avatar

Reviewer

1. Terminator writes:

hahaha YES!!!

# Apr 1, 2008 @ 12:49 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
2. archnemisis28 writes:

april fools

# Apr 1, 2008 @ 1:14 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
3. Caveman writes:

lol, april fools

# Apr 1, 2008 @ 1:15 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
godlike's avatar

Member

4. godlike writes:

Tis a sad day...to lose such an influential monster of financial world..!!

# Apr 1, 2008 @ 1:23 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
5. I'm so sure writes:

I'm sure... not that big of a fool in April...

# Apr 1, 2008 @ 1:54 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
psythe's avatar

Writer, Reviewer

6. psythe writes:

That's one will I REALLY wanna be in!

Now Playing: Moby - "Flower"

# Apr 1, 2008 @ 6:09 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
7. in2thepit writes:

This is sad LOL Lord Cashington if ur gonna April fool us plz do a better job next time

# Apr 1, 2008 @ 7:04 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
8. iEATbabies writes:

That was the funniest sh** I've read all day

# Apr 2, 2008 @ 1:37 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
deathbringer's avatar

Founder, owner & programmer

9. deathbringer writes:

Heh, I would like all the stories to the "you got owned" link if that voice wasn't so damn annoying...

# Apr 2, 2008 @ 3:51 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
10. Txmetalhead writes:

Man, if I had the cash, I would buy Century Media...and Nuclear Blast! Hell, even Roadrunner Records and make it an all metal record label again..lol. Fukkk Nicklebroke...lol.

# Apr 2, 2008 @ 7:39 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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