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MetalUnderground.com User Buys Century Media Records, Suffers Horrible Accident Shortly Afterwards
Infamous MetalUnderground.com user (and self proclaimed richest man in the universe) Lord Cashington announced yesterday that he had purchased Century Media records and was planning to promote the bands he enjoyed more and fire those he didn't like as much.
"Pip pip ladies and gentlemen! Yes it's true, I, the good Lord Cashington have indeed purchased one Century Media records. I fully intend to help promote the careers of those delightful fellows Napalm Death. I shall award a million pounds to an animal charity for every album they release so I do hope that the world will be seeing alot more them.
"I do however plan to have a jolly good sort out of our roster. I no longer intend for Century Media to be associated with those wretched little trolls In This Moment! I shall announce more changes as I see fit.
"Well I shall bid you all adieu. I have a few more plans to come to fruition including my travelling festival CashScam and the merger of Century Media with Roadrunner. Tatty bye!"
Unfortunately however, that merger will not happen, a million pounds won't be donated to animal charities for every Napalm Death album and In This Moment will still have a record label because a few hours after this announcement, Lord Cashington suffered a heartbreaking accident.
It has been revealed that all the labels artists had to pay royalties in order for having a boss who would spend seemingly unlimited amounts of money promoting them. However Lord Cashington requested all these royalties in cash and whilst he was hoisting the bag of royalties into his "cash attic" where he stores much of his money, the weight of the bag made his back give way as he fell onto his mansions floors with all his money pouring down upon him, thus being crushed to death by his own money.
Due to this unfortuate circumstance, control of Century Media has returned to the former owners who have no plans to change anything prior to the purchase.
If you would like a share in Lord Cashington's fortune then click here
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