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Pit Stories: Cuttin Up Hookers... At An Unexpected Crime Scene

Its been a pretty wild ride lately for our weekly Pit Stories: there was a crowd that nearly cooked at an overly-cramped Rammstein set, some crazy shroom tripping at the flame-filled CromFest, and a recounting of those terrible 1st show blues.

That ride gets no less wild this week as Infinite Earths checked in with us for a harrowing tour tale!

The band recounts an event during a 2014 live trek where one member was wearing a particularly ironic shirt while finding himself unexpectedly at a crime scene. Infinite Earths recalls the story like this:

It was the summer of 2014 on tour with Mindscar. We just put in a hard day’s night with supporting acts Miridian, and Thoughts Of Redemption in Satellite Beach, Florida at Wynfield’s enjoying a pre-load out beer. During the first quarter of the tour we were accompanied by brother Felix, lead photographer of FXO photography and acting roadie. Naturally, Felix is bumping elbows with me getting a cab tetris’d back into the death wagon when I hear a bloodcurdling scream off in the distance. It came from a motel looking joint just passed an unpurposed field behind the venue.

Inspired by my drunken stupor, I draw the dudes attention toward the clatter. Like a slovenly Freddy waving the Scooby Gang about. I propose we should go check it out, begging the question of what Batman would do. I sauntered off merrily with fuckless abandon and even more so with the more tattooed dudes I convinced to follow. Felix is into the action, a boots on the ground kinda mother fucker, the rest of the guys following his shredded rambo like gumption.

Into the fray, we dashed across the field toward the source of the distress. As we get up to the building we see a door on the top floor of this two story building burst open halting us in apprehension. A woman stumbles out of this room screaming bloody murder as she bumbled toward us and down the stairs. She flopped out onto the parking lot like a surly wounded walrus. Not that she was fat, it was more about the way she did it. “I got stabbed, I got stabbed!” she blubbered from the depths of her aquatic gut.

Felix had already hut-two’d his ass to the scene where he was tending to her bloody mess with care and the precision of a surgeon. The rest of us froze in awe and had no idea what the fuck to do in this circumstance. Shortly after Felix addressed the gushing situation she had going this girls alleged boy friend showed up. Then began yelling at her while she was putting pressure on her own wound. “What happened!?” he exclaimed over and over again. Then at us, and we were like - we don’t fucking know, we know as much he did. Ya gurl got stabbed by someone. In the back of the thigh of all places. Like someone over shot her ass. Maybe a closet imp who thrives off of cum stains in seedy motels got the jump on her?

What the fuck did I think was happening on the other side of bloodcurdling screams. We tried to discern the details of this shit show when homegirl’s story made a fairytale's lick of sense. The boyfriend guy started crying, enriching the tale with his tears like a fine spice. We then decided caring any further was beyond our threshold of fuck giving. The cops showed up with EMTs and picked up where our shredded Rambo looking hero left off. That was our cue to fuck our drunk asses right off.

Moral of the story? Felix is a hero, and I’m absolutely fucking useless if Batman were to lend me the cowl for a day along with my dudes… but we play damn good tunes. Ironic icing to this story is I was wearing this insensitive and hi-larious shirt that reads 'Cuttin Up Hookers.' If there was ever a more perfect t-shirt for an occasion....

Upcoming Infinite Earths album "Into the Void" will be released on December 2nd, 2016 and can be pre-ordered here, with two advance tracks available below.

xFiruath's avatar

Ty Arthur splits his time between writing dark fiction, spreading the word about underground metal bands, and bringing you the latest gaming news. His sci-fi, grimdark fantasy, and horror novels can be found at Amazon.

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