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Lars Ulrich Makes Hostile Takeover of Beatallica

After several quotes reportedly said by Lars circulated around the 'net, Lars has made a statement that he has assumed ownership of Beatallica, the band who plays "Beatles tunes, Metallica-style".

"I did the right thing and stood up to the megacorporation who was trying to bully the little guy (Beatallica). But there's no free lunch in life. N-n-n-napster (sic) should have taugh you that much. I had to sell two of my paintings to pay for those lawyers' time to consult on the matter, so I am exercising the my rights written into the agreement Beatallica signed when we began negotiating with Sony on their behalf. I am taking over the band and will assume all profits from performances and merchandising until that time my debt incurred is paid off. I have the final say in everything the band does. Furthermore, if the band decides to disband, I am entitled to their regular wages to pay back the legal fees."

Beatallica had been slapped with a cease and desist order by Sony and had its website(s) shut down as a result of the claimed copyright infringement of the Beatles' musical compositions. Tierney, 35, an occupational therapist by day, was pleasantly surprised when Ulrich called him a few weeks ago and helped negotiate with Sony's lawyers in order to clear the matter.

But Tierney was furious when he heard Lars' statement. A mostly bleeped/edited version of Tierney's reaction was aired on "live" (time delayed) MTV news. What he actually said remains under debate, but he was clearly pissed.

When reached for comment in light of Tierney's televised reaction, Lars had only a short message while waving the devil's horns and making deranged faces:

"Larz 0wnz Beatallica. Larz 0wns j00!"

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17 Comments on "Lars Ulrich Makes Hostile Takeover of Beatallica"

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Anonymous Reader
1. ThrAsh4u writes:

Sorry, but Who the hell cares? Metallica are a bunch of money hungry whiners now. OLD metallica OWNED..... New Metallica Suxxorz

# Apr 1, 2005 @ 8:57 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Rue's avatar

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2. Rue writes:

Sounds like someone is more in it for the money than the music....

Too bad they still aren't making music like they used too.

# Apr 1, 2005 @ 10:40 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
3. ken writes:

lars is just a f***in p***y first napster now this???

# Apr 1, 2005 @ 11:27 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
4. NotBuyingIt writes:

April Fool's, of course.

# Apr 1, 2005 @ 11:47 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
5. LARZ writes:

Ha ha ha, i own it all!!!!!!!!!. i couldn't make metallica like me so i have to do this. f*** everyone. me lars, god of rock

# Apr 2, 2005 @ 12:07 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
6. brokenwings13 writes:

You guys are the best bulls**ters anywhere. Thanks for the laughs.

# Apr 2, 2005 @ 1:05 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
7. Metallica can't make good music and get money out of that, so they do what they sue people. writes:

# Apr 2, 2005 @ 3:53 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
8. LeperMessiah writes:

At least it's funnier than last year.

# Apr 2, 2005 @ 4:17 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
9. metal boy writes:

I wish metallica was the way it used to be.

# Apr 2, 2005 @ 11:54 AM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
cantspeak's avatar

Member

10. cantspeak writes:

Thank god this was for f***in april fools.

# Apr 2, 2005 @ 2:36 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
cantspeak's avatar

Member

11. cantspeak writes:

i was getting worried for real for a sec

# Apr 2, 2005 @ 2:36 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
12. MetalListener writes:

They made enough groundbreaking records.. they pioneered enough excellent musical territory. You can't expect that kind of genius to continue. Back then they were excited and young, with something to proove. Even though they have the world now, they aren't capable of producing the same kind of music they used to. That era is gone.. in the past. If they produced Master of Puppets or ...And Justice For All today, it simply would not be received the same way. Times change, fads change, listen moods change. If you like the way they used to be, then be glad you can go to your shelf and grab an old 'tallica record and shove it in the player.

# Apr 2, 2005 @ 2:47 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
13. your right writes:

You are right metal listener,stuck up a$$ holes always ripping on metallica,they think they suck now because everyone else says they do.

# Apr 2, 2005 @ 6:06 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
14. zdrast voot yeh writes:

f***ing p***y bullsh** a$$hole f***

# Apr 2, 2005 @ 6:07 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
15. Dan writes:

its obviously bullsh**, quit b****in about how much metallica suxx0rz now! stang3rs is teh sh** omg! shut the f*** up, if it sucks move on, ya fux.

# Apr 2, 2005 @ 6:09 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
metallica_killemall6's avatar

Member

16. metallica_killemall6 writes:

well wo gives a sh** metallica shuld keep making albums like kill em all and ride the lightning

# Apr 3, 2005 @ 3:05 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address
Anonymous Reader
17. MetalListener writes:

I wish they *could* make albums that good again, but they have been incapable since the black album. If they *had it* then they could *do it*.

# Apr 4, 2005 @ 1:07 PM ET | IP Logged Reveal posts originating from the same IP address

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