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Pit Stories: Protokult Shares A Trio Of Pit Tales

Tuesday has rolled around yet again, and that means its time once more to dive into the pit!

Each week bands from across the metal spectrum (and spanning the entire globe!) check in with us to share their most memorable Pit Stories.

You may recall some weeks back that the beer loving folk metal band Protokult shared a story about an unwanted flautist taking to the stage.

This week the band has returned to share a trio of stories covering all sorts of on and off stage shenanigans, from spilled beer to a desperate attempt to get back on stage during a song and even the disappointment of meeting a band that didn't turn out to be as awesome as you thought.

Lemons Made, Beer-Drenched Gear...

A recent pit experience occurred at our own CD release gig. We were playing to a packed punk club; so although cozy, it was jam-packed, smoldering hot and aesthetically challenged. Throw in some beer wenches who joined us on stage with alcoholic refreshments and it was a party set in full swing! Mid-way through our set (I found this out afterwards), a young woman (or beer wench) got bumped in the pit and her entire pint ended up seeping into our guitarist's pedal board. His signal began cutting in and out until finally, it completely died out. When life gives you lemons folks, make lemonade! Which is what Jeremy "Vodnik" Jackson precisely did. Rather than being a party pooper and sulking off-stage, this 6'4 pot-smoking, son-of-a-bitch began dancing moronically and next thing we know, he dove head-first into the pit! Most of our audience (who conveniently happen to be women most of the time) were certainly intimidated and we lost sight of him for a few minutes, so it's safe to say Jackson landed on his head=).

A Drunk, Raging Bull - The Struggle

What do thrash and folk music have in common? Both genres get you moving and instill a tendency to fuck. shit. up! We used to close our set with a traditional German drinking song (thrashier version of course) and by that point, if the audience wasn't pumped and moving, I wasn't having it. One particular gig, I jumped right off the stage and being the built/fit gentleman that I am, plowed right through a bunch of scrawny metal heads, sending them sprawling like cheap wooden dominoes. Some folks weren't too aggressive, giving friendly shoves while others partook in circle/partner dances while offering me their drinks, which I willingly accepted. Reality dawned on me and I realized, I had to make it back on stage to finish the song. Running back frantically, microphone in hand, the stage suddenly seemed much higher than previously imagined! The fact that I had tight leather pants on certainly wasn't to my benefit and so the struggle began. While making futile attempts to desperately scramble back up on stage, I can only imagine what a sight and amusement it must have been for our audience. Somehow I pulled myself up and collapsed center-stage; gasping for breath, finishing the song sprawled on my back wheezing and sweating profusely.

Will the Real Pirates Please Stand Up??

Somehow we made it backstage at Paganfest and were hanging out with Alestorm. Now keep in mind (signs of alcoholism), we weren't there to give thanks, or meet some idols or influences, no. What could Protokult be backstage for? Or why would they pretend to be cool with you? The answer, my friends: BEER. As these Scotsmen (or whatever they are) babbled on and on about touring, shenanigans and fuck-knows-what, Misha and myself cautiously helped ourselves to their cooler full of beer. Good lads overall, but when asked about possible influence from the original pirate metal act, Running Wild, one of them didn't even know of the group and went so far as to slam them. Six or seven beers later, we had enough and took off in search of more booze. Good buzz but my mighty heart had been crushed.

Protokult's "No Beer In Heaven" album is out now, and you can sample some of the sudsy goodness through the Bandcamp player here:

xFiruath's avatar

Ty Arthur splits his time between writing dark fiction, spreading the word about underground metal bands, and bringing you the latest gaming news. His sci-fi, grimdark fantasy, and horror novels can be found at Amazon.

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