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The Earliest Pioneer of Death Metal

Posted in: Forum Home >> Extreme Metal >> The Earliest Pioneer of Death Metal

Displaying 6 posts
Displaying 6 posts
May 30, 2010 7:26 AM ET #1 (permalink)

From a young age, this monster loved snacks. In fact, all tasty treats. He had few friends, and turned to his snacks. He gained over 300 pounds and an obsession for cookies. The other monsters mocked, bullied and beat this young monster. Over the years, he developed a life-threatening heart condition, resulting in him hating his life. With no outlet, he turned to metal. However, that pansy, flowery shit known as "glam" wouldn't cut it. So, he lost weight and created his own music, starting a revolution. Death Metal was born.

To see his work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWac5UT80no&feature=related

After a short, but legendary, period of recording and touring he was overcome by drugs, alcohol, whores and cookies. On a cookie/cocaine-induced high, he brutally murdered his fans on Sesame Street. Among the slain were Big Bird, Grover and Elmo. Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy were also found dead, as they were on their honeymoon in Sesame Street. Millions mourned, and were outraged. They called for justice. Cookie was incarcerated, and tried. He was sentenced to death by the one thing he loved most, cookies. He was force-fed cookies for almost 16 hours, until he finally choked and died.

Despite his death, Cookie has become the inspiration for countless bands and started the Death metal sub-genre. Check out Cookie Mongoloid, his biggest fans.

Rest In Peace, Cookie.

May 30, 2010 10:40 AM ET #2 (permalink)

Personally when I think of early death metal I think of Possessed but fair enough.

May 30, 2010 11:03 AM ET #3 (permalink)

Is this the first you're hearing of your relative (Grover's) death? Btw that was a coincidence from Sup Fuckers 3.

(This post was last edited on May 30, 2010 at 11:04 AM ET.)

May 30, 2010 11:18 AM ET #4 (permalink)

Yep. Today will be a day of mourning for Uncle Grover. I'd go to his funeral in Sesame Street but no fucker seems to know the way.

May 30, 2010 11:30 AM ET #5 (permalink)

And they tempt us in the song, like they know the way. "Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?" BUT THEY NEVER ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!!!! I swear, they fucked me up as a small child. That question tore me apart, as I spent my whole primary (yes, primary. British education for me) years thinking about the answer.

P.S. Changed my avatar to Grover.

(This post was last edited on May 30, 2010 at 12:08 PM ET.)

May 30, 2010 9:19 PM ET #6 (permalink)

When I hear Death Metal I instantly think about Possessed, and their album seven churches. And then I think about The Late but still Great Chuck Schuldiner, Godfather of Death Metal. He perfected the genre. Most Death Metal Bands nowadays are like "WERE SO DEATH METAL! WATCH MY ARPEGGIOS!"

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