Dec 21, 2015 2:34 PM ET |
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Thought I'd create this thread as yet another place to throw a bit of humor. I'd love to read anyone contributions for alternate lyrics to metal songs (or metal lyrics to non metal songs).
To kick things off, here's one I did a while back to Metallica's one, appropriately retitled "Duece".
I can't push out anything Can't tell if my crap will plop or stream Deep down inside it feels unclean This terrible rumbling stops me Now that the flu is through with me I'm cramping up and cannot pee My butthole is about to bleed Nothing is real but pain now
Clench my a$$ as I wish for death My a$$hole hates me
Back on the throne, it’s much too real Out dumps lunch from Taco Bell Don't look backward lest I hurl Why’d I splurge for the 4th meal Wince at the lube that sticks to me K-Y is not just sex jelly Tried all the creams that soothe the heat Wipe this sh!t off from me
Clench my a$$ as I wish for death My a$$hole hates me
Now my stomach churns, I'm not done Oh God help me Clench my a$$ as I wish for death My a$$hole hates me
Sphincter imprisoning me All that I see Overflown toilet I cannot eat I cannot drink Trapped with my filth Commode my holding cell
Sh!tstaine burning my A$$ Burning my cheeks Burning my colon Burning my balls Burning my legs Burning my hole Left me with the Sharts from Hell!
(This post was last edited on December 21, 2015 at 2:36 PM ET.)
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Dec 28, 2015 1:20 PM ET |
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Here's another one from Megadeth to the tune of Hanger 18:
Bangbros 18
Welcome to these pr0n set walls It’ll take no time get you aroused Impossible to get blue balls For your seed is sucked by three hot blondes Computer banks of MILF’s next door Instant smut to jerk your rod
Possibly I’ve seen too much Bangbros 18, I fap too much
Horny wives for holes of glory Suspended sluts who cry for rough sex No one watches for the story Her tits aren’t real but who'd suspect Two lesbians who stroke their clits Who’ll then combine to suck ten dicks
Possibly I’ve seen too much Bangbros 18, I fap too much
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Jan 4, 2016 3:14 PM ET |
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A little lesser known song from Fear Factory. The idea for this one all started with me hearing the lyric "Born, Bred, Beaten" and thinking "Cornbread Eaten". It just went from there. And like most FF lyrics, this is rather repetitive. Hope you guys/gals enjoy anyway...
New Bread (Fear Factory – New Breed)
We’ll bake some new bread We sift the flour We’ll bake some new bread We sift the flour
We are immune to rice itself That food makes you real hungry We are immune to rice itself That food makes you real hungry
Cornbread, eaten Cornbread, eaten
We make the loaf rise with yeast We have control of what you eat We make the loaf rise with yeast We have control of what you eat
Cornbread, eaten Cornbread, eaten
New bread, new bread New bread, new bread
We are immune to rice itself That food makes you real hungry We make the loaf rise with yeast We have control of what you eat
Cornbread, eaten Cornbread, eaten
New bread, we make the new bread New bread, we sift the flour New bread, we make the new bread New bread, we sift the flour
New bread [repeat]
(Comments, critiques, suggestions are welcomed)
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Jan 4, 2016 3:23 PM ET |
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(duplicate post)
(This post was last edited on February 25, 2016 at 11:20 AM ET.)
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Jan 11, 2016 1:08 PM ET |
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(Triplicate post while trying to figure out the work around for copy/pasting.)
(This post was last edited on February 25, 2016 at 11:22 AM ET.)
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Jan 11, 2016 1:11 PM ET |
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Since I missed last weeks post, here is another. This one based on Meshuggah's Rational Gaze reinterpreted through a coffee filter...
Irrational Glaze (Meshuggah – Rational Gaze) Start the day waking early Brew the coffee to make it real Let Folgers flow intravenously to know blood’s been congealed
We’ve all been lazy Subjects of Virtual Decaffeination A systematic, denial of the cocoa bean
To smell the fine grains, to feel the javas warmth A cup fixed with flavoring tools, improved by fermentation
They Like Juice If it’s not chewed, filter pulp from its substance as our kind, wants to pour foam onto a strong grind Everything examined, Supped and rated, one drink at a time the harder we stir the more complete the disintegration In to solution Ice With whole milk Whipping cream Foams arise Dispensers activated - Percolation aborted the latte, beyond our grasp The twin-shot of special expresso hidden Where's my damn coffee Barista offers Sanka insanity to serve No clarity No unity
(solo)
Weak ass green tea undrinkable, transparent It is as swill to our lips Restrict our drink decisions Espressos taken for granted-Absolute Possessed, owned, controlled By their common drip infected irrational glaze Decaf, forever, we work among the ignorant
Never strain off the coffee grounds
Any comments, suggestions, criticism is appreciated...
(This post was last edited on January 11, 2016 at 1:13 PM ET.)
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Jan 18, 2016 2:22 PM ET |
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Here's another one. In an effort to avoid previous topics (food, sex, incontinence), this next song by Black Sabbath is about something as benign as laundry.
Snow white (Black Sabbath - Snowblind) What you soak and what you bleach Stains that don't come out easily Feeling happy in my Gain White crystals within my drain (No stain)
Softer fabric on my bed Since I got that new bedspread Downy fills my every load Wash in hot or wash in cold
My dyes are Tide but I can see The snow white linens in the breeze My skin no longer itches me I feel the softest fleece on me
Hang the heavy clothesline down Let me beat the cost of Dawn dryer sheets like flakes of snow Soon I’ll feed the laundry soap
Don't you think I know what I'm doing Don't tell me that I’m washing it wrong You're the one that smells like a loser These ol’ sweaters feel nice and soft
Rid the world of muted colors Turn my grays to vibrant colors Laundry drying in the sun Will I fight this Eczema?
I've got a few more in the queue, but if anyone has an idea they'd like to post, feel free. I'd enjoy reading someone else's take.
(This post was last edited on January 18, 2016 at 2:25 PM ET.)
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Feb 10, 2016 7:04 PM ET |
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I remember seeing Gojira for the first time and laughed my ass of when they introduced one of their songs. "This next song...(dramatic pause) is about Whales...(dramatic pause) that fly... This next song is called.. Flying Whales." For whatever reason I imagined fat chicks floating through the air. This next set of alternate lyrics are a 'heavy' bastardization of that song.
Gojira – Flying Whales Weight watchers of chaos have invaded our space Their folded girth again, I love to fuck these whales Fat rolls do guide us to their wetter spots of life I won't despair I'll break their dark hole ‘n pound
Smothered By heavy teats My chest Crushed tight From WHALES!
Beyond the gyms I searched And had a different view Of some big girls: No skinny chicks for me Butt cheeks in yoga pants I fondled the place where they want ass play Fat lovin’ time tonight
Udders They sway Hang down just right Like a magic carpet ride I grabbed her supple thighs around From back here Pour My Seed out on her weighty flesh
How I can chase these whales Love handles got the twerk ripe ass thrown in the sky I can't believe my eyes Butt so huge
Fudge tunnel grips me tight Like banks of clouds they gather See massive shape of flesh Slutty giants of the club The curviest comes to me A BBW who’s horny She shows me a good time Slowly grinding on my gear
So much total width no words at all Powerful Plumpness Her only speech “BUUURRRRRP…”
Devour Hot wings Big Girls delight FAAAAT!
(This post was last edited on February 10, 2016 at 7:05 PM ET.)
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Feb 24, 2016 5:12 PM ET |
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Here's one from Pantera. Rumor has it that these were the original lyrics written by Vinnie Paul...
Fucking Docile
Almost every day I eat at the same place A window corner booth And stuff my face with food When you go weigh yourself You go and starve yourself You stop to regurgitate Until you nauseate Today I’ll play the part of grandparent I’ll bake a dozen cookies For you to eat all by yourself My pies will give you type II diabetes While I’m making fudge and baking bread and cooking food my own way The right way
[Chorus] To eat To feed My heartbeat stops In turn It’s making us Fucking docile
We’ll weigh a ton!
When food takes way too long They get your order wrong You scream and piss and moan To take your food to go You don’t stop to wonder why Thousands of people die You’re eating truffles, man While kids starve in Sudan Now I’ll play a restaurant server To serve and bring food Buy some shrimp with the steak I’ll bus the tables for breakfast lunch and dinner And believe you me If you tipped me I’ll bring your change like a man Not a dog
[Chorus]
Come meet the baker, boy Some food you can’t enjoy Because of Cholesterol A fucking wives’ tale The butter on your bread The sugar cube is death Weight watchers say your prayers Cause gluten’s everywhere Now I’ll play a man eating seafood Who just ordered the ultimate feast tonight I pick all you can eat because I am hungry I’ll outgrow my clothing and donate them to a stranger
Pants won’t fasten
[Chorus]
(This post was last edited on February 24, 2016 at 5:12 PM ET.)
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Feb 25, 2016 5:42 PM ET |
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OMFG! Snowblind is brilliant! LMFAO!
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Feb 26, 2016 11:54 AM ET |
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Thanks Blind! Much appreciated. My personal favorite so far is Meshuggah's. That one took some effort to get it to flow well.
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Feb 26, 2016 4:35 PM ET |
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Feb 29, 2016 11:49 AM ET |
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Here's one from Nightwish. I tried, but for the life of me I couldn't work in sweater puppets.
Large Chest of Wonders (Nightwish – Dark Chest of Wonders) “Once I had a dream about her tits”
(Once there was / two high beams) One night the clock struck twelve, her window open wide (There it was / her huge rack) The time I was walking by and took a peek inside
(Saw her firm / tig bitties) This time she turned to me, fondled her fair headlights (Once I wished / for this night) Lust brought me here, it's time to cup her breasts and…
[Chorus:] Feel the double D’s Far beyond a C All the bras are gone She bares her chest once more Large chest of wonders Seem supersized O’ the busty pillows Ones I long to hold
Woman with the big boobs is what the world stole from me This night will bring her back to me
[Chorus x2]
(This post was last edited on February 29, 2016 at 11:51 AM ET.)
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Mar 7, 2016 12:50 PM ET |
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Here's one of Slipknot's well known songs Surfacing. In this new context, Surfacing refers to the dreaded prairie dog effect.
Slipknot – Surfacing
(Got to go!)
Rumbling from deep in my gut I don't see, a lavatory Over and over my large instestine All this Mylanta is doing me in!
[Chorus] Push it all! Push this Turd! Push every meal through your asshole! Dump a log! Dump a shit! Dump a big shit! Dump a bigger fudgie!
Sticky as the shart explodes Taking shape, staining shag Over and over my large intestine All this Mylanta is doing me in!
[Chorus]
Feelin’ your bowel move, hold it in for your own sake Dripping hole man, fart, stop, can’t wait Hope it’s nothing, but it ain't holding back Every damn turd that sprays is a sneak attack Better sit your ass on the loo! Ain't a fuck thing you can do! Asspiss cause your stomachs getting empty I am the burning feces you intend to clean
I am the push that makes you ‘move’ (4x)
[Chorus]
(This post was last edited on March 7, 2016 at 12:53 PM ET.)
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Mar 11, 2016 1:27 PM ET |
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With all the election coverage going on in the U.S., it seems appropriate to have at some political themed lyrics.
My first thought was Children of the Grave -
"Children Of The Bern" Revolution in their minds, the children feel the Bern Against the rich that rig the system thieving funds they didn’t earn They're tired of wages driven down being broke when rent is due They'll fight the one(%) at the ballot box until our incomes grow some too
Children of November live in the ones that vote today Will the polls rise up tomorrow bridging the gap to Hillary? Can the Bern give us as showdown for all the land to hear? Can He win enough delegates, or will He disappear?
So you children of the Bern listen to what I say If you want * spread the vote today Show the world that love is still alive you must be brave Or you children of today are Children of the Grave, Yeah!
* choose from: A better place to live in (original) a higher wage for living free college tuition to limit climate change to bring social justice a blue or brown suit to keep social security to reform wall street to reform immigration
I'll post another one for one of the Republican nominees, which practically begs a Megadeth tune. (Liar could be used verbatim.)
(This post was last edited on March 11, 2016 at 1:30 PM ET.)
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Mar 15, 2016 3:06 PM ET |
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Well, I was leaning for Megadeth, but Slayer's War Ensemble has so much potential with the internal battle going on in the GOP.
Here is... Trump Ensemble
Propaganda Trump ensemble screws the GOP Cruz is plotting further right in two-faced hypocrisy Kasich sticks to policy Ben Carson goes to sleep Poor Rubio he lost his state To th’ spray-tanned orange face
No filtration on his words Encompass the headlines Supreme art of celebrity Staying in their minds Blowhard no remission Give ‘em all nicknames Retweets by the Trump Poll numbers that he’s led
Vote for Trump! Trump support! The Vote is Trump, Donald Trump When victory leads to massacre The general vote is all uphill With how many people hate him still
Vote for Trump! Trump support! The Vote is Trump, Donald Trump When victory's really short sighted The general vote is all uphill With how many people hate him still
Debates don’t rise above When discourse falls Depend on tripe soundbites Like border walls Dickhead brings protest lines Flanked all around Tone-deaf conversation Forbode his crown
Regimes ultimate change grown past their prime Flowing funds are of no use Preibus still whines Superpacs air the ads lost battles scored Lone is their war cry hashtag for nevertrump...War!)
Propaganda Trump ensemble Split the GOP Pandering to the right In bold faced bigotry Delegates accumulated With crude strategy When victory is 1237 any less is defeat
Vote for Trump! Trump support! The Vote is Trump, Donald Trump When the end is a slaughter The general vote is all uphill With how many people hate him still
(This post was last edited on March 15, 2016 at 3:12 PM ET.)
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Jul 11, 2016 3:51 PM ET |
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Here's another post from Pantera
This was inspired by the Just for Fun post about the headbanging horse. MU.com news/details.cfm?newsid=124746
I'm Broken He whispers – with a smile In our - stables while Young colts – start to train, The halters - on their face, nodding, neighing, trot in place. Is the bit too rough for them to take?
Two... young… foals… run… equestrians, good livestock but. Sore saddles are not so fun. That's how. Look at me now. I'm broken. Inherent to ride. I'm broken.
One day – the final ride, a cowboy - fact of life. Grain fed -it makes good feed. Inbred – a stronger breed. Every stallion, animal husband a dozen apples for the eager stud.
Two… young.. mares.. spawned.. Solutions to livestock loss Veterinary doctor can raise his cost. That's how Look at you now. You're broken Inherent to ride. You're broken
That's how Look at us now (solo) I'm broken. Inherent to ride. I’m broken. That's how. Look at me now. I'm broken (broken) (repeat 2 more times) I’m broke.
(This post was last edited on July 11, 2016 at 3:52 PM ET.)
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Jul 19, 2016 5:57 AM ET |
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Theres a load of misheard lyric vids on youtube
by the way..
IM BAAACK
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Jul 25, 2016 5:51 PM ET |
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