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Posted in: Forum Home >> General Discussion >> Writing

Displaying posts 1 - 25 of 48 1 2 Last
Displaying posts 1 - 25 of 48 1 2 Last
Jul 12, 2009 4:40 PM ET #1 (permalink)

Well, I did one on reading and since I'm bored I decided to put one up on writing. If you've got something you'd like to share or want editing help or whatever... come here! If you've got links to, for example, a deviantart or blog account where you do your writing, you can share that here.

My blog is www.florasspot.blogspot.com and here's a haiku I wrote recently (I usually do not write poems at all, so be gentle :P)

"Sunni Christian
defends faith, Shi'ites deplore
He is here no more"

Now it's your turn! I know D.I.E should have something for us since he is the resident poet. But whether you have fiction, poetry, or something technical, etc... share it here.

Jul 12, 2009 5:01 PM ET #2 (permalink)

I used to write the occassional blog on Myspace about a limited number of things. Mainly professional wrestling. There's a review of the movie The Believer too. But that's about as far as I go with writing that isn't lyrics, which I do regularly but never on a computer.

Jul 12, 2009 5:26 PM ET #3 (permalink)

I just realized that "Sunni" was actually supposed to be "Arab". Ah, I should've known to check everything before I re-write something.

Jul 12, 2009 5:31 PM ET #4 (permalink)

Ah ya silly moo!

Jul 12, 2009 5:33 PM ET #5 (permalink)

IN: Your haiku's first line needs an extra syllabol, less ya did it on purpose.

here's a newer one of mine (hopefully the line breaks remain):

As If It Would Keep Her Alive

I watched a woman die on YouTube. Gunshot
standing by freedom protests in Iran, as recorded,
her father pressed on her chest
with the weight, the threat of a wasted life
looming. She looked like a doll
in the street. I watched and waited for someone
to sit her up, so her eyes could re-roll back
into their proper position, instead of staring at me,
I think, wanting to know
what I was looking at. I saw fear in her eyes,
or sadness, or nothing
as blood began to gush from her mouth. That’s what I saw
in her eyes. I touched my screen
but it wouldn’t go away, the nothing, and then more
blood streamed from her nose. I glanced at the tissue box on my desk,
and she continued to stare at me
with her eyes crying blood. The video ended, and I hit replay.

Jul 12, 2009 5:42 PM ET #6 (permalink)

That's quite good, DIE. Actually, it depends on how you go with my first line. You could say Ar-ab Christ-ian (in four syllables), or you could break it into Ar-ab Christ-i-an.

Jul 12, 2009 6:15 PM ET #7 (permalink)

Well, I was gonna submit my best lyrics that I wrote for my old band...but DIE's put them to shame lol.

Jul 12, 2009 10:52 PM ET #8 (permalink)

Man, havn't used it in ages, but I used to write little blogs on everything and anything (ideas, poetry, things I'd read which impressed me, etc.) on Myspace - the link is blogs.myspace.com/ethermortal

As far as Haiku's go, I don't mind them, but they can be very difficult. Traditionally, they're supposed to include some sort of seasonal reference, too. But you know, that's for the real sticklers of tradition, I guess.

Jul 30, 2009 5:58 PM ET #9 (permalink)

I can't write to save my life, but on May of 2007, I was bored, so I wrote this poem; ( I know the title doesn't make sense, but there's a message to get across ):

Race Of Society

Can you see a light of haze in the distance of that tear puddle
In the moaning of the rolling waves
Far away from this place
On top of this so-called home because I need my eyes again
Rapped from my blood
Stolen from my tounge
Dragged from my fingers
Thrown into the standards
No one but I can take to the sun
Yet nothing makes me run
I just want to return to me
Someday you too will not know of my pain
That is if you're lucky in some sort of way
When all is lost and I am found in the middle of the road
Realizing that is was me myself and I who dragged us all out of our own home
The door has opened twice for me
I see a light of haze in the distance of that tear puddle
In the moaning of the rolling waves am I ever so near
Where is my blood
I can't find my tongue
I had it in my fingers
Now I'm tied to the standards

(This post was last edited on July 31, 2009 at 12:12 AM ET.)

Jul 30, 2009 7:16 PM ET #10 (permalink)

"In the moaning of the rolling waves"

loved that bit. good take on the usual 'roar' that most people use when they mention the ocean (thumbs up)

Jul 31, 2009 11:47 AM ET #11 (permalink)

I really liked your poem DIE.

Jul 31, 2009 12:07 PM ET #12 (permalink)

Absolutely. DIE is the man! Hey DIE, if you have some more i'd enjoy reading it if you don't mind.

Jul 31, 2009 12:19 PM ET #13 (permalink)

hey did anyone else notice behemoth posted there entire new album their myspace? its so awesome.

Jul 31, 2009 12:42 PM ET #14 (permalink)

DIE: The following is a reaction to your poem from my mother who has a PHD and has had many books published over her extensive career in the literary field.

Oh my god. This makes me sob. I'm sitting here, tears streaming down my face. It is incredibly beautiful. I am stunned speechless. Oh, god Chris. This poem is forever. It is the impossibility of comprehending death. It is a keeper, for the ages. Beautiful. Painful beyond words, but he found the words. Please tell him I said so.

(This post was last edited on July 31, 2009 at 2:56 PM ET.)

Jul 31, 2009 2:37 PM ET #15 (permalink)

Thank you for everyone's kind words on my poem. I'd love to post more but a lot of journals are beginning to say that 'if it appears online in [nearly any form], it is considered published.' And 99% of the same journals don't accept previously published work. So if I want a chance at publishing, I can't post. =/ I can share via email with anyone interested, although it will be sparse.

Greed: please tell your mother thank you for her [to me] astonishing response. That's all I think I can expect from a reader. Tell her I'm sorry I made her cry! haha And thank you for sharing it with her!

(This post was last edited on July 31, 2009 at 3:04 PM ET.)

Jul 31, 2009 2:41 PM ET #16 (permalink)

DIE - thoughts of TOOL's "Vicarious" come to mind...nicely done! But now that i re-read the title, maybe not so much...it's even better with a different message.

(This post was last edited on July 31, 2009 at 2:43 PM ET.)

Aug 1, 2009 12:23 AM ET #17 (permalink)

Well, seeing as I'm not good enough to get published, I don't have any qualms posting my nonsense everywhere and anywhere lol. I've been trying to use line structure lately, ie having a certain amount of syllables in each line, so many lines to a stanza, etc, but here's a freeform one I wrote (nowhere near as good as DIE's)... It's about perception, and the emotion of life wasting into eternity. Inspired by 'In Memoriam' by Tennyson, who said it much, much better than I do....

Rigid Flow:

The immovability of being.
Silent triumph, complete in victory:
Push a mountain and see if it shoves -
The strain bears no budge.
A rebellion even unto time,
And a reprise unto itself.

The obstinate green
Masks the rust-brown decay of form;
All that stands melts;
All that is solid crumbles
Like the last Autumn of an Evergreen.

Quiet space, deepest emptiness
Shows us the horror of the afterglow
Of the Ocean's last wave.

Aug 1, 2009 2:43 AM ET #18 (permalink)

I got a haiku for you all:

I murdered a man.
He had a wife and two kids.
I slept peacefully.

Aug 1, 2009 2:55 AM ET #19 (permalink)

This is short, but sweet. It is a poem of the after party of a Viking battle. A rough draft, but here it is...

Drinking horn filled with mead
The succession of my enemies I doth impede
Plate full of deer and the feast of kings
My soldiers at ease and feasting like hungry beasts

Maidens sit upon their laps, and grateful for the return of their husbands
With dresses flowing to one side, and drink in their hands
Feeding the bellies of their men
Children run about questioning their fathers of the battle

Beating their chest and fondling their maidens breast
Victory is their's to have and hold
For a battle won by the brightest and bold
With Thor at their side and given another day to fight

Aug 1, 2009 12:08 PM ET #20 (permalink)

Here I am reading these beautiful poems - and then I get to Hebrew_Hammer's.

I laughed hysterically. Nice change of pace, man!

Edit: Really like your poem, DIE.

(This post was last edited on August 1, 2009 at 12:11 PM ET.)

Aug 1, 2009 3:19 PM ET #21 (permalink)

^ Hey thanks man.

Aug 1, 2009 7:26 PM ET #22 (permalink)

Heh, psythe, I was rejected by another journal today so maybe I should stop caring. =P You should post your syllabics man. No one does that shit anymore.

Kalis, maybe you should write a viking poem but modernize it by anticipating Sven's return.

Aug 1, 2009 8:31 PM ET #23 (permalink)

Well, I supoose I could give that a shot Death, but I hope to never have to deploy Sven. If I do have to I will, but Satan willing I won't have to. I do have a present for the troops on this site. I call it "American god of war"

I raise my weapon
My enemy in my cross hairs
Trained I am
To ensure America is free

My license to kill is my military i.d card
My battle dress uniform I wear to work with pride
My love for my country is etched in my soul
And it is etched in my face, and the battle scars I own

I am one of the few
I am all I can be
I am an American soldier, America’s god of war
I am the pinnacle of strength

When you are at home safe and sound
Know that it is because my coworkers and I are around
Overseas living is hard
As I miss my country and my family
Yet with pride and honor I go

Chow time is a luxury
Seeing a photo of my family soothes my tired war torn eyes
Blood of my enemies drenches my battle dress uniform
And the victory party waiting at home pushes me forward into battle

I squeeze my trigger
My heart is racing
Sweat bestows my brow
Dead on target an enemy of freedom is dead
On ward to the next until all are gone for my job is never done for this American god of war…

Aug 1, 2009 8:34 PM ET #24 (permalink)
Y's avatar



(This post was last edited on August 25, 2009 at 2:50 PM ET.)

Aug 1, 2009 11:19 PM ET #25 (permalink)

On this last deployment, I had a little more free time on my hands than usual, so I would think about how crappy it was not to be able to hop on over to the MU.....wrote a song 'bout it. Like to hear it? Here it goes:

*intro of ridiculous blues lick* Well I was in the hot desert for 2 months, didn't get to go to the Metal Underground...aaahhhaaaaa.

Thank ya very much, alright!!!

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