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Dr. Greed is in the office

Posted in: Forum Home >> General Discussion >> Dr. Greed is in the office

Displaying posts 1 - 25 of 342 1 2 3 ... 13 14 Last
Displaying posts 1 - 25 of 342 1 2 3 ... 13 14 Last
Jun 7, 2011 11:53 AM ET #1 (permalink)

At the request of other members here, I have decided to hang out a Dr. Blindgreed1 "the-rapist" shingle. Feel free to share your innermost feelings here, or ask any questions which may pertain to your metal mental well being. I'd be happy to answer any and all questions or just offer insight to what makes us the disgusting creepy metal heads we are. Let the games begin, and remember...sometimes we have to fist ourselves to find the person on the inside.

Jun 7, 2011 12:05 PM ET #2 (permalink)
R10's avatar


Oh no.... What started as snarky humor,has taken flight into a full blown "ask greed" thread. Ill start off by asking you Greed; as an older school metal head who still goes to plenty of shows,i find myself becoming more bitter,and hate filled at the sight of trendy skinny pants wearing,toss haired,little cunts who have no business at a show im at. They steer clear of me, but i have urges and impulses to cause them great physical harm. We used to call these folks posers back in the day. Any advice?

Jun 7, 2011 12:14 PM ET #3 (permalink)

OK here it goes. I've been married for a while and the sex is great. I've got no complaints.
However, I also find immense pleasure in beating-off in front of people.
It's something I've enjoyed since the first time I grabbed my wood and flung the tip against some skin.
Over the years, I've developed it into a skill even. I usually grip the base (not too tight, just enough to keep a hold of it) and furiously whip it around swinging the end against anything I can.
Occasionally it's painful, but I get a sense of satisfaction out of it that can't be replaced with any other hobby or vice.
I've even invited others. Usually about twice a week, I'll get together with about three other guys and go it for a couple hours until I'm thoroughly spent. They keep coming back. My wife has been very understanding about this, thankfully. But, I sometimes wonder if this is natural.
So, I'm asking you for your professional opinion: Is it ok to be a drummer?

Jun 7, 2011 12:32 PM ET #4 (permalink)
R10's avatar


Jesus H Christ,you definately got your hands full taking on a "ask Dr. Greed" of almost a "Dear Greed" as in Dear Abbey. This is already good reading after the last questian,you got your hands full,im afraid! The last questian might have in effect ended the thread,who tops drummers shit!

Jun 7, 2011 1:17 PM ET #5 (permalink)

My problem might not sound like one at first but bear with me. You see, I'm too sexy. In fact I'm so sexy, I can't wear a shirt without it hurting. Internationa travel is a bitch as i've been labelled too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan. I was called too sexy for parties after I informed them there was no way I'm disco dancing. Getting a driver's licence is near impossible as I'm too sexy for a car (the teacher claimed, "too sexy by far." All these factors can really hinder my career, because I'm a model (if you know what I mean ;)) and I have to travel to do my little thing on the catwalk.

Jun 7, 2011 1:37 PM ET #6 (permalink)
R10's avatar


Im thinking Dr. Greed will be overwhelmed ,he'll have to hire a sec. to keep up with the demand for his " counciling". Brush up on that "Freud" Dr. Greed. The floodgates have been opened!

Jun 7, 2011 2:20 PM ET #7 (permalink)

Dr. Greed,

[redacted by homeland security, in violation of the patriot act]

(This post was last edited on June 7, 2011 at 4:51 PM ET.)

Jun 7, 2011 2:26 PM ET #8 (permalink)

R10: Breed and raise your own or adopt a metalhead within the same age group to carry the torch. Those scene kids can bring out the worst in us older more refined metalheads and acting on your impulses can cause painful leagal scars. Thus your bread and metal fed (preferably with a handful of rusty nails) little metalhead can handle your light work and keep you out of the pokey.

DJ: You hit shit with wood. You're a drummer. Bassically anything goes with drummers. You're fine...

(This post was last edited on June 7, 2011 at 2:28 PM ET.)

Jun 7, 2011 2:31 PM ET #9 (permalink)

Oz: This IS problematic. I can't help you with your travel woes, but I can tell you that unless you become too sexy for your balls (bolloks?) you're okay, it's the rest of the world that needs mental adjustment. Haters gonna hate Sssssailor! *snaps his fingers*

Jun 7, 2011 2:52 PM ET #10 (permalink)

GC: I've been waiting for you my friend. Get comfortable, but not too comfortable as this is just an initial consultation. First, lets start with your ex. Bitches IS CRAZY YO! But, you have to deal with the pain she's dealt you and try not to take it personally. Her reasoning for moving away from the relationship may in fact have nothing to do with you at all (even though you may have been told it's all your fault). It could take years before you find out the real reason why this relationship ended. Why? Because Bitches IS CRAZY YO! End of story. Don't take any of it personally because Bitches IS CRAZY YO! You feelin me? Second, I highly recommend that you find one of these hotties with a naughty body and put a little footwork into the nastiest, sluttiest one that you find attractive in a slutty way (fellas you all know what I mean). Find out where she hangs out "when you're off the clock" and offer to buy her a drink, or even dinner. After a few drinks or dinner work your game and start talking about sexual fantasies. Chances are pretty good that nobody has ever treated her that way before and once she sees what your packin (I know this from previous convos that GC is hung like a fucking horse) you can likely live out a rape fantasy with her as it's likely she has her own fantasy about getting "raped by a black guy with a huge cock". Save the handcuffs and security guard outfit for another fun filled fantasy romp with her as she likely has a "raped by someone in uniform" fantasy as well. After a few romps, start branching out to other sluts because being tied down to one slut is not recommended until you find one you don't wanna fuck but rather make love to and thus make her "your slut". Once you've been through at least two sluts, hit me up and we'll see if you can still remember your ex's name and if so how you feel about letting her name pass your lips.

Jun 7, 2011 6:47 PM ET #11 (permalink)

Dr Greed, 2 part question here. Firstly i would like to share that my GF doesnt understand my tunes. We drive in the car together and i cant play the stuff i want to play, take that off or turns it down on me !!! WTF ? I told her to play something of her stuff then. She throws on these remix knock off body pump rpm fitness class type songs ( sped up tempo with some douche singing) I lost it!!! This is where it gets tricky. She is currently tied to a chair in the fruit cellar with a steady rotation of meat mortis blasting thru her ears.. So do you think this will help her understand and love the CHUG or am i gona get in serious trouble if i let her out ? Any feedback would be appreciated ...... Berzerker

Jun 7, 2011 6:54 PM ET #12 (permalink)

Dr Greed,

How do I sneak myself into my friend's band? They are pretty big here on the local scene, and I love their music, but they already have a guitarist. Do I kill the guitarist or just rape his family until he "resigns"?

Jun 7, 2011 7:06 PM ET #13 (permalink)

Olaf: You have a woman chained to a chair in the basement and you are in charge of her diet. Therefore you decide when she becomes fraile and pale enough for sexual slavery... I fail to see the problem with this. In fact it sounds like an ideal situation to me. I would opt to keep her there for your own sexual deviant desires. Can you be more specific regarding your inquiry?

TIM: Killing or raping the other guitarrist is not your only option. Especially considering where you live. Have someone steal his rig the night of their next show and conveniently show up at said show with your rig in tow. The likelyhood of you gaining the spot before he can cough up another rig is higher (especially if you already know their songs which I believe you mentioned previously that you did) and the risk level is much lower. I'm sure there's some shady ass kids that would love to steal the rig that he plays and you probably deal meth to them so use ya head TIM! Kids these days...

(This post was last edited on June 7, 2011 at 7:25 PM ET.)

Jun 7, 2011 7:25 PM ET #14 (permalink)

This concludes my sessions for today, feel free to post up additional info or new questions in my absence. I will address them in the order which they were received tomorrow, and remember...sometimes we have to fist ourselves to find the person on the inside.

Jun 8, 2011 9:31 AM ET #15 (permalink)

this just has to be made into a video blog or webcast of the sorts.

Jun 8, 2011 10:44 AM ET #16 (permalink)

Or better yet, a TV show! Like Dr. Phil.

LOL... I can just picture it;

Dr. BG: "Hello everyone, Our guest today is Daniel from San Diego."

"Daniel used to drink excessively and have numerous sexual relationships on weekly basis, but has in recent months changed his life."

"So Daniel, tell us, what happened? How did you become the most boring man on the West Coast?"

Jun 8, 2011 10:53 AM ET #17 (permalink)

I am now taking appointments... sometimes we have to fist ourselves to find the person on the inside.

Jun 8, 2011 1:54 PM ET #18 (permalink)

^ "Now taking appointments"....

When fisting yourself doesn't work, see Dr. Greed for additional 'ass'istance.
(for the record, simply pointing to my inner self is enough for me.)

Jun 8, 2011 2:10 PM ET #19 (permalink)
R10's avatar


Figured i needed some more advice from Dr. Greed,so here goes. Similar prob as Berzerks,but i havent resorted to his measures...yet. My "misses" is early 30s,typical of her age,she is across the board music wise,a liitle rap,new. Ountry,and her metal is "metallica load era,disturbed,etc. I no longer even attempt to bring her shows i go to. I used to bring her to hold my shit, hold my beer when i had to piss,etc. I listen to my stuff thru headphones like her,but i still feel i need to meet a women fully comitted to metal. You should a seen her when i took her to see Hate Eternal,Black Dahlia,she threatened to leave the show and wait for me outside. And your new girl Dr. is going to see Machine Head with you . Advice? Dump er?

Jun 8, 2011 2:23 PM ET #20 (permalink)

I live with a non-metal listener as well. Headphones aren't my thing, so maybe a bigger place is our answer.

Jun 8, 2011 3:12 PM ET #21 (permalink)

R10: No we're seeing Mushroomhead tomorrow night. My best advice for getting your hottie into the metal you love is to take the fashion route. Women love to dress up. Hit the interwebz together with your credit card in hand and pick out some really hot metal outfits for her. Pleather, buckles, bondage straps, etc. She'll be asking to go to metal shows just to wear the outfits. Don't forget to accessorize either. Chicks dig accessories!

DJ: Never underestimate the power and revitalizing energy a good fisting can bring! I'm fisting myself right now while typing with my left hand. Lol.

st: If you can afford it, a bigger place is the way to go, with your own "Metal Mancave" of course.

Jun 8, 2011 4:05 PM ET #22 (permalink)
R10's avatar


Er Dr.the whole fashion thing aint working on my"hottie" . Shes only 5 ft 3, ginger haired, big boobs,so the pleather stuff aint gonna work. Good girl though,wish she understood my metal though! She absolutely can not tolerate "growled " vocals. I gotta better chance of taking her to a punk concert. Maybe ill bring her to Mayhem,she loves Disturbed,and she can hold my Machine Head shirt@ dd!

Jun 8, 2011 5:05 PM ET #23 (permalink)

Thanks for advice Dr Greed, I will keep her in the fruit cellar until she is deemed ready to accept the CHUG. Judging by her exceptionally bad taste in music i cannot see this happening anytime soon. In the mean time we are currently going thru the Pungent Stench back catalogue with limited succeess, hmmm i thought the techno beats in Dirty Rhymes would appeal to my captive but so far no luck

Jun 8, 2011 5:21 PM ET #24 (permalink)

R10: Ummm... The picture I have in my head of a 5'3" buxom red haired beauty in a shiney pleather skin tight dress with buckles and bondage straps made Stanley move so maybe you wanna think this through a little more? Sounds fuckin hawt to me buddy. But! If that isn't what does it for ya, maybe try to embrace her frat metal and compare it to real metal so she slowly takes the bait... Sorry, I keep getting distracted by the image you put in my mind...

Jun 8, 2011 5:29 PM ET #25 (permalink)

Olaf: Plus the added bonus of having a fraile and pale sex slave at your beckoning call isn't such a bad thing eh?

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