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Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

There are three kinds of drummers... Those who can count and those who can't.

(This post was last edited on November 29, 2011 at 11:39 AM ET.)

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and Dr. Scholl's foot pads?
A: Dr. Scholl's foot pads buck up the feet.

Q: What would you call the smartest drummer in the world?
A: Mildly retarded.

Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!

bump.

Here’s a dozen quickies for ya…

-"An egg is the unluckiest danged thing in all creation: it only gets laid once, it only gets eaten once, it takes eleven minutes to get hard, it comes in a box with eleven other guys, and the only one who ever sits on its face is its mom."

-When the guys laugh at me for volunteering at the women's mental health clinic I just shrug it off. But when they tell me I'm fucking nuts, I have to smile, because then I know they understand."

-"I hate it when the dog sneaks into the bedroom while my girlfriend and I are having sex. Inevitably, he'll start licking his balls right there in front of us. It's just his way of rubbing my nose in the fact that he can have as much fun as me without first having to buy someone an expensive dinner."

-"With all the spam we get for penis-enlargement pills, you'd think by now someone would have invented a pill that would shrink vaginas instead."

-"Women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak."

-"Tapping melons with your knuckles is a good way of making your selection in the store, but apparently it's frowned upon at the strip club."

-"Add 'Come early on your first day' to that list of career advice that doesn't apply in the porn business."

-"I was with a girl once and she pointed and laughed. She said: 'Who do you think you're going to satisfy with THAT?' I said 'Me'."

-"I think the people above me are having sex. Either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot."

-"Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex ?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak."

-"It was only after I untied my girlfriend from being face down on the bed that I learned her screaming, 'Asshole!' was a statement about my character and not an invitation or request."

And the last one for Netro…
-"How soon can you have sexual relations after your wife delivers ? Well, depends on if she's in a ward or a private room."

bump..

Just ran across this one and got a chuckle out of it...

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned
over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to
get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate-glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking
driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of
me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't
realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my
fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a
hearse for 25 years."

HA!!! ^ Great bump to the thread!!

Here's another....

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 Euros.
"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
a) Sparrow
b) Thrush,
c) Magpie,
d) Cuckoo?"

"I haven't got a clue." said Mick,
''So I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin .."
Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy.
"Dat's simple it's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fookin sure."

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.

"Dat it is."

There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer!
Mick, you've won 1 million euros!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was DA Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"

"Because he lives in a Fookin clock!"

BUMP....

A Romantic Moment in honor of Valentines Day.

A wife being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text..............
"If you are sleeping,
send me your dreams.

If you are laughing,
send me your smile.

If you are eating,
send me a bite.

If you are drinking,
send me a sip.

If you are crying,
send me your tears.

I love you."

He replied........

"I am taking a crap.
What should I do?"