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Anyone got any good jokes?
Posted in: Forum Home >> General Discussion >> Anyone got any good jokes?
| Displaying posts 176 - 200 of 223 1 2 ... 6 7 8 9 Last | |
| Displaying posts 176 - 200 of 223 1 2 ... 6 7 8 9 Last | |
| Oct 26, 2011 6:47 PM ET | #176 (permalink) |
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I do like that one ST! Lol. |
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| Oct 27, 2011 9:28 AM ET | #177 (permalink) |
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The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. "Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???" The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly." "Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job. "Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?" The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan |
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| Oct 27, 2011 10:10 AM ET | #178 (permalink) |
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Hahahahahahaha SIGN ME UP And I know you copy/pasted it, Wilco. Because there were capital letters and grammar. |
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| Oct 27, 2011 10:24 AM ET | #179 (permalink) |
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yes i know but still funny you know my writing well |
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| Nov 8, 2011 8:40 PM ET | #180 (permalink) |
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A woman woke up and told her husband of about her last night's dream. "I was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for $1,000 and the tiny ones for $10." Husband: "What about one my size?" Wife: "Didn't get a bid!" The husband wants revenge, so the next morning he tells his wife about his dream last night. "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight one's sold for $1,000 and the loose ones for $10." Wife: "What about ones like mine?" Husband: "That's where they held the auction." |
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| Nov 8, 2011 9:21 PM ET | #181 (permalink) |
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Alright, I have a joke... |
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| Nov 8, 2011 11:14 PM ET | #182 (permalink) |
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LOL! St. Anger. |
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| Nov 9, 2011 9:07 AM ET | #183 (permalink) |
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Q: How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb? |
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| Nov 9, 2011 9:10 AM ET | #184 (permalink) |
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In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends!" |
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| Nov 9, 2011 2:06 PM ET | #185 (permalink) |
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(For the sake of the joke, assume this is possible) |
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| Nov 9, 2011 5:28 PM ET | #186 (permalink) |
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A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi a few months ago. So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies and watching some episodes of South Park. Right in the middle of one episode the tape cuts to a home video of his wife on her knees sucking his best friend's cock. After a few seconds, he blows his load in her pie hole and she turns and spits the load right into the mixing bowl of cookie dough. She then looks at the camera and says, "By the way, I want a divorce." |
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| Nov 9, 2011 5:55 PM ET | #187 (permalink) |
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How many singers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one to hold the bulb while the world revolves around him. |
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| Nov 10, 2011 11:00 AM ET | #188 (permalink) |
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Why was 6 afraid of 7? |
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| Nov 10, 2011 11:02 AM ET | #189 (permalink) |
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A horse walks into a bar. |
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| Nov 12, 2011 7:10 AM ET | #190 (permalink) |
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Anti-jokes are the best. What's worse than a worm in your apple? the holocaust |
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| Nov 12, 2011 7:14 AM ET | #191 (permalink) |
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A man walks into a bar. His alcohol dependency is destroying his family. |
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| Nov 13, 2011 9:07 AM ET | #192 (permalink) |
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you have to be careful with anti jokes because someone always unwittingly turns the conversation to dead baby jokes. I'm saying it now so none of you fuckers get any funny ideas(in a joke thread, see what I did there?) Why did the little boy drop his lollipop? He got hit by a car (This post was last edited on November 13, 2011 at 9:08 AM ET.) |
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| Nov 13, 2011 9:22 AM ET | #193 (permalink) |
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What's sad about four black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff? They were my friends. |
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| Nov 13, 2011 9:31 AM ET | #194 (permalink) |
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lol just found this one like two seconds ago. So get this, a priest, a rabbi, and a shaman all walk into a bar... but there's no rabbi and no shaman and it's actually my 8th birthday and the priest is molesting me.... and the priest is my dad and he's not a priest. My dad molested me... a lot. |
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| Nov 13, 2011 5:12 PM ET | #195 (permalink) |
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Went to Holy Communion this morning. The priest was wearing sunglasses, a trenchcoat, a trilby and a false beard. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. |
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| Nov 14, 2011 11:15 AM ET | #196 (permalink) |
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What do u tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
How do u give a woman the world?
Why does the bride wear white?
Wanna hear something funny?
Where can u find a book about women's right in the library? |
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| Nov 21, 2011 9:00 PM ET | #197 (permalink) |
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A text my sister sent me some time back: "So I'm on the bus and I see a woman with two black eyes and a broken arm...She doesn't listen, and she didn't learn her lesson." Some lines I will probably use when I decide to do standup: "It isn't cheating as long as you eat the corpse afterward" "Vaginas are like jeeps. Not the prettiest thing to look at but men love them for what they do." |
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| Nov 21, 2011 9:05 PM ET | #198 (permalink) |
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I was in Wal-Mart earlier today when I asked my girlfriend, "What's your favourite tele tubby?" |
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| Nov 22, 2011 6:31 AM ET | #199 (permalink) |
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^Love it haha |
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| Nov 22, 2011 10:21 AM ET | #200 (permalink) |
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My mate bought a guard dog the other day......................... it's useless, It lets anyone and everyone onto his property.
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